Hello and Introductions
Some people hate goodbyes. I really, really hate hellos.
Hello. Nice to meet you. This is a space where I will share what I am up to and what’s generally up with me.
So. Introductions are my nemesis. I always find them a painful endeavour. Who am I? How do I describe what I do? No seriously, someone tell me who I am please?!
Gun to my head (because that is the only scenario I would do this) I’d maybe say… in no particular order… I’m a bat-lover, performer, comedian, writer, filmmaker, composer, environmentalist, and powerful witch.
Many people have told me I need to pick one lane. Focus in. And perhaps ‘many people’ are right. Perhaps having broad and disparate career ambitions will limit how far I can fly. Will that stop me from trying? No. But my fear of flying will.
My main gripe with introductions comes down to the very ‘introductions’ themselves.
Largely because even just stating my name sends most people into a blind panic, which I normally only see in the eyes of actors who have completely dried all their lines on stage. A serene blankness. Confusion. Searching. And then silent terror.
In the GP waiting room. The nurse enters with her clipboard. A pregnant pause. That familiar silence as her mouth tries to form a collections of sounds from the jumble of letters spread from left to right. A pleading scan around the room. It’s within these moments of hesitation, that I rise out of my chair. These hesitations are as synonymous to me as my name.
…
‘Yep, that’s me’.
Then come the attempts. Areola. Orienta. Saruman. Arrowhead Bunsenburner. I’ve heard them all. And I am too polite to correct you because I am a pathetic people pleaser and pathologically afraid of conflict. That’s why I just get you to call me Ru.
I suppose that’s another reason for my Kazakh ancestors to be disappointed in me. I’m named after my Grandma. An ethnic Kazakh and bad ass matriarch of my family. Our name means Ruler of All Souls… ironic really cos I don’t think I particularly embody that vibe tbh…
So here it comes, one of my most embarrassing confessions…
When I first moved to London, I did a 3 day Stage Fighting workshop at Oval House. I bounded up to the lady with the sign in sheet, and confidently said ‘hello, I’m Aruhan’. There it was again, that familiar look, blind panic… soul leaving body. ‘How do you pronounce that?’ to which I helpfully reply - ‘Aruhan like Caravan’. She looks at me with relief…‘Caravan, great’.
Now, there’s a moment… a golden opportunity in this instance for me to correct her.
Instead, I say ‘thank you’ and walk away.
I’m introduced to the group as Caravan. We play ‘get to know you games’ throwing the ball and announcing who we’re giving it to - ‘Simon, Simon to Ben, Ben to Samantha, Samantha to Caravan’… I answer ‘Caravan to Josh’.
In a tea break, a fella makes chit chat. ‘Caravan, what a lovely name - is that welsh?’
I curse myself for being such a servile simp.
‘Yeah, why not.’
It’s only 3 days. I repeat this mantra in my head. I’m never going to see any of these people again. It’s only 3 days.
But then the unthinkable happens… a friend joins on Day 3. I’d ALMOST got through this ordeal without it getting any more humiliating. Of course, the first thing he asks is… ‘Dude… why is everyone calling you Caravan?’
I’ve blocked out what happens next. Because either I humiliatingly had to ask my mate to just go with it and call me Caravan, or I had to explain to a group of 30 people I’ve let them call me a mobile house for 3 days.
Ru’s News
I’ve returned to the WHONIVERSE! ‘Trials Of A Time Lord’ is out this week! A 40th Anniversary Special Doctor Who Audio Drama starring Colin Baker, Bonnie Langford and a whole host of familiar voices.
Our short film ALIENATED which I’ll maybe do a lil separate post about is the Season Winner for BEST SOUNDTRACK at Monza Film Festival 2024. Which means I get to add award winning composer to my icky identity crisis list.
Creature of the Week
White Storks
I was asked to speak on a panel for Young Wilder’s Eco Summit ‘Overgrowth’. Little did I know it would be the most wholesome weekend I’ve had in living memory not least because for the first time in my life I FINALLY MET A BAT IN PERSON.
Şeniz (a human/fresh young eco legend) ran a workshop about White Storks as they are being reintroduced to Knepp Estate. - a gorgeous piece of farmland which is being rewilded. Upon a grassy patch, we sat with keen ears, eager to learn about these mysterious White Storks. Şeniz is engaging when she speaks, you can’t help but love her. She dresses like a murderous yet irresistible sorceress and I’m obsessed.
We hand out tiny little bowls and chopsticks. It’s like a cute little picnic with strangers. What are we going to be passing round next? Into each of our pots, Seniz unceremoniously plops weird blobs of different textures, colours, and shapes - the only thing unifying them is that they all distinctly smell of wet dog.
These, I now learn are called Pellets. White Stork Pellets to be precise. Blobs of Stork vomit to be even more preciserrr. Which we are about to dissect.
I hesitantly start pulling apart my blob. Slightly frightened of what I’m about to find. Straight off - I pull out the disembodied head of a cricket. My inner 8 year old has suddenly come alive, we all ooo and aww examining our regurgitated unearthing’s.
This is exactly why I like Ben and Jerry’s Icecream. Plunging my spoon into the tub, waiting to hit something, like an archeologist about to stumble on the discovery of a lifetime. Except instead of ice cream it’s vomit, and instead of delicious chocolate nuggets, it’s the completely intact pelvis of a mouse.
This Week’s 10/10 highly recommend
(* some of these recs may not be 10/10 I just really like the rhyme)
SUNNY on Apple TV+.
Listen, you make anything with Rashida Jones - sign me TF up. This has everything I love, siiiick sci-fi concept. Very sexy cinematography and design. Compelling mystery? I’m in. I’ve just finished the finale and I’ve got THOUGHTS. Don’t want to spoil anything so please START it. Watch the finale and then message me so I can finally debrief and unburden myself of these hot takesssss.
1000 Prized Poems (Twenty-Five Years of the Forward Books)
Okay. I’ve just remembered that libraries exist and I can’t stop devouring poetry. I’m reading lots of anthologies at the minute. Lots of poems I love. Lots of poems I don’t get. Better than scrolling a million reels on social media I guess?
Opportunity Reminder
So I’m thinking this is a section where I remind you about creative/writing/film-making opps I’ve seen online… hopefully that’s helpful?
Channel 4 Screenwriting Course
The purpose of the course is to offer 12 writers new to television drama an insight into how the industry works and to provide a “dry-run” of what it can be like to write under a television drama commission, specifically for one hour series and serial drama, and to work with them as they write an original drama script.